These Advice given by My Father Which Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a good place. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader inability to open up among men, who still absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - spending a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."